Instinctual Parenting

Don’t let his sad look fool you. “Puppy” is quite happy in his FuzziBunz.

In addition to wearing cloth diapers, Puppy has also been carried in a wrap style carrier, swaddled and breastfed. All of this has been done by my 5 and a half year old son of his own devices (imagination). Well, I put the FuzziBunz on the stuffed dog, but he asked for a diaper and a busted snap FB was all I had.

What this shows though is how much of an impact our choice in parenting styles can have on our children and possibly how they choose to parent. In the classic monkey see monkey do style my children are following in my steps (and sometimes right on my heels). I certainly hope they pick up a few tricks from me and they won’t be saying to their spouses “can you believe my mother did............”. I also hope that they make their choices informed and not just because it is the status quo. 

We seem to be in a social shift where parenting is concerned. Old ideas and new products are both beginning to co-exist in harmony. Some of these seemingly new parenting ideas are old school and I mean ooooooollllldddd school. Some are cultural and are making their way into more mainstream society. 

Just for the record and to put it out there here are a few of the things that I do:

Breastfeed (because it is FREE)

Baby Wear (because it works for us)

Co-Sleep (its called survival people)

Cloth Diaper (because it is cute and the investment pays off down the road)

Delay Vaccination (because I forget to make appointments and get behind)

Swaddle (because it works for Evelyn)

Use a Stroller (having 3 kids means carting around lots of crap)

Baby Led Weaning (I’m too lazy to feed with a spoon all the time)

Purees (because I like puddings and yogurt and applesauce too)

Homeschool (because that is what our lifestyle and feelings dictate)

In addition to those things I am trying to become more aware of preservatives and additives in food as well as chemicals in household products. In a way I am trying to green us up a little bit but it has more to do with health than the environment. I am also learning more about alternative medicine which I believe has many advantages however I am not opposed to some good old big pharma when it is called for. 

For how I choose to do things there are a variety of terms but none of them seem to fit quite right. Some of these things are termed as “attachment parenting” (AP) however there is sometimes confusion between a physical attachment being required in order to form an emotional attachment. I don’t like to say “natural parenting” either as that can bring up the green parenting movement as well. 

In most cases any of these schisms within the style itself are created by narrow-mindedness. The formula feeding mother looked down upon by the AP crowd or the disposable diapering parent being rejected by the green group. It takes many different folks to make the world go around and not one person can do everything. I don’t have to ban vaccines to be a natural parent and I don’t have to ditch the stroller to be an attachment parent. Don’t even get me started on the hairsplitting terms in the pregnancy and birthing world. Oy vey. 

Perhaps what I will call it is Instinctual Parenting. The things we do that feel most right to us as mothers. The things that our babies guide us to do as what is best for them. Using our instincts, common sense right? I may have some smart aleck reasons for why I do what I do but at the core it is all about instinct. 

Tough thing is though that many of these common sense and instinctual ways of parenting have been taken from mothers and turned into parenting philosophies. A revered professional  or celebrity  will write a book about said common sense. Saying this way is right and that way is wrong. Then before you know it you have bestseller written all over it and mums everywhere questioning if their choice is the right choice. Ferber, Sears and Spock anyone? 

Read all the books you want but be willing to pick and choose. Don’t pigeon hole yourself. I’ve always been a middle road and moderation kind of gal so why should my parenting style be any different. Sometimes a situation calls for one way or another. I have to be adaptable. I have to use my instincts. Then when you have more than one you are thrown another curveball because what worked on your first may not work on your second (eg. the boys were neither swaddled or had soothers but baby girl can’t get enough of either).

Whatever parenting choices a person makes though please keep in mind that the choices you make today can affect the choices your children make tomorrow (both figuratively and literally). I can only hope that I am raising understanding and supportive fathers and strong and confident mothers. 

Viktor doesn’t breastfeed Puppy anymore, apparently he is eating real food now. Whether that is a point in his development (realizing he can’t breastfeed) or just seeing that Evelyn is feeding less and eating more, I don’t know. Either way I could only assume that Puppy is going the baby led weaning route mixed with some purees. For now Puppy also co-sleeps.  I think Puppy will be co sleeping for a while yet. No word though on the potty training but once puppy doesn’t need that FuzziBunz anymore I’m not sure what I’m going to do with it. I doubt it will be covered by warranty. I’m sure by that point though Evelyn will have a doll or two in need of a cloth diaper. 

Until next time, regardless of how you parent, be happy and confident in the choices you have made. I know I am. 

De-stash to Re-stash

A while back in the fall you may recall that I decided to start cloth diapering (if not you can catch up here). I had a fairly decent strategy in place. I would try a bit of this and a bit of that and then stock up on the things that I liked best. In addition to that I would try to keep the pricier diapers in gender neutrals and the less expensive covers in the girly prints. While the latter strategy proved to be a bust (there are just too many dang cute girl prints out there) the former certainly has proved to be useful.

I actually use that strategy with a lot of things. If I am trying something totally new I get a sampling and see what I like. I do it with tea, with body products or cosmetics and many other things that don't require a massive investment. Since cloth diapering though does cost a lot in start up many places do sampler/trial packs but for me that wasn't an option. The way I did it allowed me to try exactly what I wanted and now I can sell the ones I don't want to pay the way for more of what I do want.

I have come a long way in my preferences for diapers in the last few months. On my initial review of my then stash I had tried maybe half of what I have tried now. Things I liked then have been beaten out by stronger opponents and there have been some complete and utter failures. Please keep in mind though that these are MY preferences and what works best on MY baby. Others may have completely different experiences.

I would like to share with you a bit of where we are at now:

Top Fav
1. TotBots
2. Bumgenius Pockets
3. Charlie Banana
4. Happy Heinys with snaps

Bottom of the Class
1. Grovia AIO
2. Fuzzi Bunz
3. Softbums Omni

The Fuzzibunz and the Softbums while they are fantastic diapers just weren't for us. They are both great quality. It's more of a fit thing. Each diaper sits differently and tightens differently so some just don't suit all babies. The Fuzzibunz specifically is a fit thing on my part. I find them hard to stuff but luckily with the new Elite I do not have that problem. I am happy with those. I am sure the Grovia are fantastic to some too but so not for us. I find they do up awkward and are rather leaky.

Honorable mentions: Grovia Boosters. Thirsties Inserts. Blueberry Wraps. Kangacare Wetbags. Fuzzibunz Cloth Wipes.

So now I am in the process of deciding prices and getting pix ready to post them online to sell. I am planning on using the proceeds from the destash to add a few of my favs to my remaining stash. Believe it or not there are even still a few things I would like to try. There are a few custom places that I am waiting for some friends to weigh in on and I would also love to try Kawaii or Sunbaby. Those will have to wait however until I can stock up on the winners.

Also in cloth diapering news...we have a dryer again AND a diaper sprayer installed!!!! If I liked it before I certainly am continuing to enjoy it now. Yeah there is extra work, yeah spraying poop isn't the most glam thing to do but it is all worth it for the fluffy bum.

Practice Makes Perfect

When I was a little girl taking piano lessons I always hated the phrase "practice makes perfect". While I enjoyed playing I hated having to do endless scales and practice boring songs over and over again. Through the course of the year's lessons my hours of practice would eventually pay off in the form of passing that year's Royal Conservatory Level and perhaps even winning a few awards in the local festival. Several performances and recitals later I was a better pianist, vocalist and musician. See practice does make perfect.

As I got older I honed my practice skills. I became a more efficient student of music.  I focused on the trouble zones. Pulled them out and ran through them until they were perfect. No sense repeating the parts I already knew. Oddly enough I even enjoy running through some scales now. Turning the metronome up a notch. Challenging myself to go faster each time.

There has been a lot of music practice in our home the past month and a half. Lots of piano, guitar and singing. It's been quite nice actually. Fewer games. Less movies. Way more music. It's a place I am really happy to be in.

We have a few different musical projects that require focus and discipline and have brought on this onslaught of practice. First and foremost Daddy has been accepted as a guitar player for a band that acts as 3 cover bands and an original band. The band leader needed a kick ass guitar player and that is where Daddy came in. Therefore, I have been hearing tons of Blondie, Cyndi Lauper and Ramones as well as original music from the band. This particular project is quite exciting as there seem to be some interesting prospects involved. I have heard the terms booking agents and international touring in serious conversation.

For a taste of how the band rocks check out this video on youtube or the CD clips available on kellyfairchild.com and on iTunes.

In addition to that we are also working on our own original material for our God Rock duo. There is a lot of material to go through and right now that means a lot of arranging and perfecting. Even still there are parts I have to pull out and go over and over to get them just right. A few of the songs are tight enough that the next step is getting parts recorded followed closely by securing more opportunities to play out. I've even gone so far as to apply for a SOCAN licence.

With all that being said there is a lot of perfecting and practicing going on here. However, that phrase I once despised applies to all areas of life. Whether you are writing a new song, studying for an exam, prepping for a job interview or learning a new language. Practice. Go over and over in your head.

Even children need to be told that constantly. They are learning so much and those skills need to be developed. Practicing their letters, numbers, sight words, math skills...Growing up we were never even allowed to say "I can't". I have even heard myself telling my children not to say that and of course saying "practice makes perfect".

It's only a matter of time now before that simple at home practicing becomes jam sessions and then full out rehearsals.

And on that note, it is time to go practice.